Dramatic Life
by SamaraJemma16
Summary: What happens after the end of Lady Midnight bumped up a few notches with DRAMA. Smut
1. Chapter 1

Blackstairs Fanfiction. A week after the end of LM.

Julian ran to his studio ignoring the rush of jealousy and hurt, locking it behind him. His knees gave in beneath him and he quickly slumped to the floor with his back against the wooden door. All around him were his public paintings that Tavvy would spend hours looking at. It reminded him of the unshared paintings behind the locked black door. Only Emma knew what lied behind that door. _Emma._ Just the name unravelled the tears he'd been holding back.

It had been a week since she told him she didn't love him enough. He had begged her, telling her ways they could be together. He knew she was lying when she was in front of her. But now, he wasn't so sure.

Only the next day had Emma come into the kitchen at breakfast explaining the damage that Malcom had caused to Mark. Though, her fingers were intertwined with Mark's. Once she had quickly finished explaining what needed attention to the matter, Mark placed a quick kiss on her lips and they both sat down on the two available kitchen chairs. It had taken all of Julian's internal strength, not to fall on knees and beg Emma to love him.

The whole time he eyed her, trying to figure out her emotions. _Is she really with Mark? Are they together?_ A few times, Julian had almost broke his plate while buttering his toast with his butter knife. He had slammed his knife into the plate so hard, it sounded like a bullet being fired in the kitchen. Everyone had looked at him all those times, except Emma. It felt as if the bullet had gone through him all those times.

Once he had finished his toast, he nearly threw his plate in the sink and excused himself, asking the twins to wash up. He had done the same thing as he had done now, the only difference is that the first time, Emma had ran out of the kitchen and yelled after him. He had stopped in his tracks almost tripping himself in the process.

Without turning around, Julian tried hiding his emotions from his voice and put all the distance he could into his words. "Why aren't you in the kitchen with your _boyfriend_?" He remembered her withdrawn breath and felt her upper arm brush past as she ran down the hall, presumably to her bedroom. At that, he presumed in his journey to his studio.

It had been for what seemed an hour before a knock on the door broke Julian from his miserable mind. Julian stood, and tried to smooth down his white T-shirt. He unlocked the door and found Livvy in her night clothes looking tired against the door frame.

"What is it, Livvy?" Julian said trying to sound as normal as he could.

"Tavvy wants you to tuck him in." Livvy cocked her head to the other as if she were trying to figure something out. Concern washed over her face, as her eyebrows furrowed together. "Is everything alright, Jules?" Her arm came out, as if to touch his arm.

He waved off her hand, stepping out into the hallway before closing the studio door. "Everything's fine. Now go to sleep." He placed a kiss on her head before walking down the hallway to Tavvy's room. He opened the door finding Tavvy in his bed. He walked over to his bed and sat beside him. He remembered the small Tavvy, the one in his arms, the little boy who watched his brother murdering the one father he had. But now, he had another one. _Jules._ _He leaned over and kissed the tiny boy on the head._

"Goodnight, Tavvy." He got up from the bed and made his way to the door.

"Are Emma and Mark going to get married?" Just as Julian put a hand to the door, he froze. His whole body seemed to freeze by the question just asked.

Julian must have not answered, because Tavvy stared up at his older brother with his wondering Blackthorn eyes. "Jules, are you okay?"

Julian opened the door and moved into the hallway. "Goodnight." At that, he closed the door and started proceeding to his bedroom.

Once inside, he changed his clothes for the night. He was about to turn off his light when he noticed his sea-glass bracelet on his nightstand. He watched as the moonlight reflected on the bracelet and hit parts of his room. He had taken it off a few days ago, not being able to wear the present Emma had given him.

He moved across the room, and sat by his bed. He took the bracelet and placed it back on his hand, realizing that he wouldn't want to part with it again. He was about to turn off the light when a knock came from the door.

Julian pushed away the hair that into his eyes as he stared at the door. "Who is it?"

The person on the other side didn't respond straight away. Julian heard a sigh before the person spoke. "Jules- _Julian_ , it's me." He knew straight way, who it was.

Julian sat on his bed, folding his legs under him. He hadn't spoken to her since the incident in the hallway. Biting his bottom lip, he finally answered. "What do you want?" Why had she come here? She had already broken him, did she want to break him beyond self-repair?

He heard her shift behind the door as if she were in an uncomfortable position. "I-I wanted to talk to you about us." She said to the door. It was Julian who shifted, this time. "About our friendship." She finished. The flicker of hope that started inside him went out like a weak flame. "Can I come in? Please?" She asked.

"It's late, you should go to sleep, Emma." He got up from his bed and went to the door trying to get as close to her without hurting himself in the process. He placed his forehead unto the door. "I'm sorry. Goodnight Emma." He turned off the light but kept on staring at the door.

More noises came from the door before he got a "Goodnight" in return. With a great sigh, he turned and went to his bed.

 _What have we done? I've lost her._

He turned to his side and stared into one of the windows next to his bed. The moon was high in the sky and unwavering. The stars that surrounded it, were blinking.

 _She's losing me._

Her feet dragged her back to her bedroom. Her chest felt heavy and her heart felt like she thrown it onto the road, watching, as cars ran over it again and again and again. She dressed herself and went under her comforting blankets.

But they weren't comforting. They reminded her of the endless nights with Julian under them, her nightmares he would always try to calm. She remembered his beautiful hands clasped in hers as they slept. She remembered his touch all over her. The way they knotted in her hair. The way a single touch from him could set off every nerve in her body. The way they fell on her waist. The way they were together on the beach under the accusing stars. She wanted him. She _needed him._ She _loved_ him.

 _Jules._ She's losing him.

Emma got out of bed and made her way to another's bedroom. She knocked on the door and went inside without the other person answering. She closed and locked the door before walking in the room.

She searched the room before her eyes fell on him. He was wearing flannel grey striped trousers with no aged T-shirt to cover his lightly tanned and muscled stomach. "Distract me." She ordered. In one single stride, he reached her and grabbed her by the wrist. He whirled her around until she was facing him and dragged Emma into his arms.

His lips were like a ghost hovering above her lips. "Are you sure?" he breathed mint and clove onto her face. She nodded and filled the space in between them. Kissing Mark wasn't like kissing Julian. Where Mark was all mint and clove, Julian was all sweet sugar and paint. Kissing Mark sent shivers up her spine but kissing Julian sent painful sparks all around her body. She wished he was in front of her, taking her breath away, not Mark. She sighed in his mouth and led him to his bed. He grabbed her inner thighs and lifted her on his hips. She straddled him as he landed on the bed, lowering Emma down until her back met the blankets. He reached up and pulled Emma's shirt off and started planting kisses down her collarbone. She gasped and grabbed his blond curls, pulling harder as he lowered his lips lower. The ghost of Julian's lips and hands kept touching her, the way he did on the beach. She needed to concentrate on Mark not Julian.

 _Forget him. I can't._

Julian woke up from a dreamless night. He checked his phone for the time and got out of bed. He dressed himself in a black T-shirt and black jeans before leaving his room. He walked down the hall and down the stairs, directing himself to the kitchen. Just as he turned into the correct hallway, Mark's bedroom door opened. Julian mumbled a good morning without looking into the doorway.

"Morning, Jules." Julian stopped walking as his heart started beating furiously. He turned his head, his jaw nearly dropping. Emma stood in Mark's doorway, wearing one of his tops. Julian tried to stay calm, but his eyes betrayed him. It was as if a truck came and ran him over, then dumping garbage over him. Emma looked at him with brown sad eyes just before Mark came and stood next to her. "Morning." He guided Emma down to the kitchen. With one last sad glance and Julian, she let Mark take her away. What had just _happened?_ Emma just- he needed to get out of here. He quickly ran to the kitchen, finding everyone there, even Kit.

Without looking at Emma, he went into the kitchen. "Everyone needs to make their own breakfast, sorry Kit. No pancakes today." With everyone's nods, Julian ran to the nearest bathroom. Before he could reach the toilet bowl, all the contents from dinner spilled out onto the bathroom floor. He made his way to the toilet bowl and knelt down, where he expelled the rest of his dinner. He wished he could vomit out all his feelings for Emma too. Her face flashed under his eyelids; it made vomit more.

Once he finished, he was too weak and collapsed on the side of the toilet bowl.

Once Julian left, Emma ordered everyone to do something. The twins were assigned to do the dishes once breakfast was done, Dru had to look after Tavvy. Cristina offered to make pancakes for everyone, everyone accepted. Mark shyly asked Cristina if he could help her, which she accepted with amusement. Diego had to clean the table after. She left the kitchen and started looking for Julian. _Julian. Oh, I hope you're okay Jules._

"Jules, where are you. Julian?" She shouted across the hallway. A disgusting stench came from one of the bedrooms close by. Emma covered her nose and walked in.

The smell was coming from the bathroom. The door was open and she walked in. First, she saw the vomit on the floor and then saw Julian unconscious, his head on the edge of the toilet bowl.

"JULIAN!" A scream left her lips. She slid across to him and shook his shoulders. "JULIAN PLEASE!" She wept, her head on his shoulders. His hair was matted with vomit. She put ear against his chest, checking for his beating heart. It was there, though it was weak. "CRISTINA, MARK!" Noises came from outside the bedroom before Cristina and Mark turned up at the door. Cristina cursed silently, her hand absently going to the medallion around her neck while Mark ran to Emma's side lifting Julian from the toilet.

Emma was still crying by the time they heaved Julian on the bed. Cristina grabbed the stele from her belt and quickly drew an _iratze_ at the back of his neck. Some of the colour came back to his as Cristina kept adding runes to his neck. Mark's face was pale when he spoke. "We need to get him to his bed. After that we need Diana to contact the Silent Brothers." He sounded defeated, tired. Both Emma and Cristina nodded before Emma left to get their tutor.

She found her in the office she was assigned when she first arrived at the Los Angeles Institute. She knocked on the door, seizing Diana's attention. "We need you to contact the Silent Brothers, we need them right away." She gasped, trying to catch her breath.

Diana got up from behind her desk, taking off her glasses. She walked over to Emma by the door. "What for? Is something wrong?" She put her hand on Emma's shoulder.

Emma took a deep breath before answering. "It's Julian. He's sick." A single tear fell from eyes as she talked. "He's unconscious. We found him on one of the bathroom floors, his head against the toilet bowl. Th-there was vomit all around him." This seemed to unlock all the tears she tried to hide from her tutor. Diana wrapped her arms around Emma as she cried like her heart was shattering inside her.

She let go of Emma and stared at those impossibly sad brown eyes. "I'll contact them now. Go Emma, go to Julian." She nodded and left.

 _Was this all her fault?_


	2. Chapter 2

Blackstairs Fanfiction C2.

Cristina knew that Emma and Mark together was fake. Emma had told her the first day. But Julian didn't know that.

She looked down at him now, his lashes twitching as they did when you had a dream. His lips had formed a tight line, as they did when you had a nightmare. As from a distance, she heard him gasp and whisper Emma's name. His hands were scratching at the sheets, arching his back.

"MARK?" she shrieked. A noise came from Julian, deep in his throat. It sounded like a groan and a scream mixed together. "MARK! COME IN HERE NOW!" Mark rushed in, his footsteps trailed by two Silent Brothers. Both of them stood at the door.

"Cristina, what's going on?" He came to stand next to her, staring at Julian at concern. Absently, he put his hand on her lower back. She gasped, before realized what she had done. She went a deep red. Embarrassed, Mark took his hand away looking at Julian instead of her. Before he turned though, she noticed red creeping up his neck. She sighed lightly before averting her concentration back to Julian.

The Silent Brothers quickly examined him. Once they had finally decided what was wrong, Cristina called for Emma was in her bedroom, a few rooms away. When she finally opened the door, her face was tear stained with puffy eye-bags. Her hair was still in the braid she wore at breakfast, only now many strands of blonde escaped their prison.

"They're about to explain what's happened to Jules. Okay?" Cristina grabbed Emma's hand and pulled her to Julian's room.

 _We're ready to explain the problem. Is everyone here?_ One of the Brothers asked. Mark nodded in response. _It's seems that the young Shadowhunter is going through emotional trauma_. Emma shifted uncomfortably next to her. _He needs to figure out his own way of recovering from the pain._ Cristina sighed sadly, knowing this was going to be hard for him.

"Do you know the cause for the emotional trauma?" Emma asked.

Both Brothers looked at her then. She knew that Emma felt very uncomfortable under their gaze. _It didn't seem of import to us Brothers, but if you would like to know we can found out. You are his parabatai._ They both looked at her as they spoke those words. Did the Brothers just mock her?

Emma jumped up then, knocking Mark's hand that was on her shoulder away. "NO, I mean No-no thank you, though." Emma said loudly. She was very nervous.

 _It seems that if we wanted to, we would have to dig deeper in his mind. He has hidden the reason very well._ All three of the young Shadowhunters gasped at what the Silent Brothers had told them. _It seems that, Julian Blackthorn, is very good at lying and hiding._ All three of them nodded in response.

The Silent Brothers headed to the door, pausing without looking at them. _Remember to let the young Blackthorn rest and figure out his own demons._ At that they turned to Emma directly even though all Silent Brothers were blind. _Julian Blackthorn is a master. He is a master of lying and hiding._ They walked out the door and closed it. _Remember that._

Emma fell to the floor, her face in her hands. It was like a water tap turned on, the tears falling from the sides of her hands. Cristina fell next to her and pulled the other girl into her chest. Mark had left the room, closing the door behind him.

They say sat together for hours, one girl crying for her soul while the other anchored her to the world.

 _Julian was on the beach looking for Emma. He found her drowning, Cortana in her hand. He dived in, swimming towards her and felt her gear jacket._

 _He dragged her to the part of the beach that was hidden by ocean rocks, and placed her to the sand._

 _He was kissing her._ _"Emma," he murmured against her lips, not taking his mouth away from hers. They were clasped together, wet and cold and hot and burning all at once. He leaned into her, kissing her harder, feverishly, his hands burying themselves in the thickness of her wet hair. The weight of him bore her down onto the sand._

 _Before she could take off his top, something started sizzling. He looked down and saw Emma's skin boiling and cooking. She was screaming in pain, trying to claw her clothes off._

 _He stared in horror as smoke came off her skin. "EMMA! EMMA! NO, NO, NO!" he screamed. He grabbed her holding under her knees and head_ _, and ran to the ocean._

" _No!" she cried, the tears evaporating on her skin. He placed her in the water hoping it to stop. He was crying too, horrified at what was happening._

 _She howled in agony, her eyes representing glass. "EMMA, NO! PLEASE!" he cried as she turned to ash in the water, mixing in with the rest of water._

 _Julian put is face in his hands and started crying uncontrollably._

" _Emma, Emma. Oh Emma." he whispered as he cried._

"MARK?" _What was Mark doing here? He looked around but he wasn't there. "_ MARK! COME IN HERE NOW!" _Wasn't that Cristina's voice? He turned to look around again. Instead, all he saw was darkness._

Julian woke up with a gasp.

 _It wasn't real. It was just a dream._

He sat up and rubbed his eyes. "Emma?" he croaked. Finally he saw her in the armchair next to his bed. She was sleeping, her head resting on the palm of her hand. Relief washed over him at the sight of her. _She's safe._ He watched her sleeping, the harsh lines smoothed down in her dreamless sleep. _God,_ she was beautiful.

"Emma?" he said, louder this time. She stirred, her head fell off her hand. Her eyes, opened wide before they filled themselves with tears. She almost jumped on to him when she went to hug him. She hugged his stomach as she cried, soaking his shirt. He attempted a laugh which only turned into a fit of coughs. At some point, Emma got off him, her face a mask of horror. She ran to the bathroom, grabbed a glass, filled it and brought it to him. He mumbled a thanks before drinking the whole glass. This seized his coughing, but it made him feel weak.

"Em, can I have my _stele_?" he asked. She passed over the _stele,_ her fingers brushed the inside of his wrist. He shuddered violently, dropping his _stele._ He rubbed his face with hands, guarding the red that was now on his face. He wanted her so _badly._ As he reached to grab his _stele_ from the floor, he felt her breath against his naked neck. It sent shivers down his back. He stayed fixed in that position, afraid he would betray himself and do something _she_ would regret.

After a minute or two, Julian sat back up and drew an _iratze_ on his forearm. The throbbing pain in his head subsided, his arms and legs strengthened and brought back all colour to his face. He had already made his decision. He got up from his bed and opened the door.

"I want you to leave," he said. She got up from the seat, and walked to him. She took his wrist and turned it over.

She stared at him angrily. "You _want_ me to leave?" she stuttered. She closed the door and returned her gaze to him. He tried swallowing his nervousness. It felt like swallowing glass shards. "Do you want me to leave or do you need me to leave?" she asked.

He looked up to her then. A blaze of fury and anger hit him, losing him in his words. "Does it matter?" he spat. She took a step back, her hand moving to her other hand as if he had burnt her. He had put pure bitterness and fury into those three words. Hurt flashed across her face before she covered it up.

"I-I wanted to talk," she whispered. He kept staring at her, not saying a word. "Please." She begged. _No, this will not happen. Hurt her as much as you need to._ He opened the door again.

"I _need_ you to leave," he replayed. He grabbed her wrist and turned it over. "Now."

"No."

He braced the door. "Now."

She looked at him with stubborn eyes. "I'm not leaving, Jules." she said absently. Or maybe not.

Julian gritted his teeth, sucking in air. He closed his eyes and let it all out. "GET OUT OF MY GOD DAMN ROOM, EMMA," He opened the door wider as she drew further away from him. This time, hut and surprise stayed on her flawless face. She was shaking her head as if rid his voice. He screamed at her, shouted at her, yelled at her. "YOU'RE A STUPID GIRL, EMMA. LEAVE MY ROOM AND NEVER COME BACK." Tears started falling silently down her face. She backed further away, until she was outside the room. With a frustrated groan, Julian slammed the door. Right in Emma's face.

He slid down his door and started crying. Crying for what he's lost, crying for what they lost and crying for the friendship they used to have.

She slid down Julian's door and started crying. Crying for what she's lost, crying for what they lost and crying for the friendship they used to have.

Once Julian stopped crying, he got up and went to his cupboard.

 _You need to let go. Now._

He opened the door and went to the first drawer. At the back of all the fabric, he found what he looking for. A small, rectangular black packet. He grabbed it and a jacket, leaving to go to the kitchen.

Hoping no one was there, he went and took a water bottle and filled it up with a clear spirit before closing the lid. He hadn't realised someone else was in the kitchen as well. He turned around and found Ty staring at him.

"Oh hey Ty, I'm going to the beach to see the sun set, OK?" he told Ty.

Ty stared at the packet in his hand. "What's that?" he asked.

Julian tried to mask his surprise. "Oh, it's n-nothing. Don't worry." He went over and ruffled his little brother's hair.

"Jules, it doesn't look right. Maybe I should tell Emma-." he started to turn towards the door.

Julian jumped in front of him. "NO. No, don't tell Emma anything. Understand?" he asked. "It's nothing anyway, I told you." He watched as Ty walk out and run to his room.

He needed to go, now.

All Emma heard was rapid knocking on her door. Emma groaned and tried to block out the noise with a pillow.

"Emma, its Livvy. Look, we need you. Somethings wrong with Julian." At Julian's name, she winced. She left his door not long ago.

"Not now, Liv." she projected through her pillow.

"Please, Emma. Ty just walked in on Julian in the kitchen and saw he was holding a small, black packet. Ty thinks it clove cigarettes. Oh please, Emma!" Livvy begged. Emma shot upright. _Julian can't go back to his old habit. No, this won't be happening._

"Did Ty tell you where he's going?" she asked as she changed her clothes.

"He said he's going to the beach, but he didn't say where." she finished. _She knew where._

She opened the door and found Livvy wide-eyed and defeated. "Why did you ask me? Why not Cristina or Mark?" she asked.

"You know him best and besides, he won't push you away." She looked at Emma hopefully.

Emma's face fell. Without looking at Livvy, she spoke. "I'm not sure about that, Liv." She smiled sadly at the twin.

"Wait, what!?" Livvy cried out. Now her eyes were really wide.

"Nothing, go back to Ty. I'll sort this out." Emma said before she closed the door behind her and ran to the Toyota, outside. She swung herself in the driver's seat and smashed the keys in, turning the car on. She drove to the spot she knew was where he was. She was mad at him. Why he do this to himself?

She parked in the beach parking lot and ran to where it all started. It started then and she hoped it never end. She it had to stop; it's what broke her heart the most. It was bad enough when she saw every day, like her heart had shrivelled and he was the cause of it.

What would she say when she saw him. 'Hi, I know you yelled at me and made me cry like a coward, but I want you to stop smoking. Yeah, thanks for listening. Oh by the way, I love you and you make ache everywhere whenever you walk through the door.' If only it was that simple.

She sighed and walked the rest of the way, feeling both excited and nervous to see Julian again. Will his head blow up this time? Will she get angry at him?

Emma reached the rocks that hid the secret beach. She walked past them and immediately, Julian took up all her vision. It felt hard to breathe. It was hard to swallow.

There he was, sitting on the sand with a cigarette in his hand. He seemed not to realize she was here because he continued to stare at the sunset all while he breathed clove cigarette and expelled the smoke. Even from here, Emma could a piece of purple lacy underwear and Julian's belt metres away. _Weird._ She moved towards him until she was close enough to realise that he was on his second cigar.

She had enough. "Julian, I'm here," she said from behind him. She saw him stiffen, the cigar lingering in his mouth. "Julian, you _need_ to stop. The twins are really worried about you." she pleaded. He continued smoking and that's when Emma ran in front of him and accidently slipped, falling in his lap. An unexpected gasp came from Julian and he turned away. His shirt was unnaturally crinkled, rising in some places. _That's enough._ She straddled him and put her arms around his neck. She looked down and saw his zipper was undone, his black boxers showing underneath. He started shaking under her which only made her skin feel as if it were on fire. "Please, _Julian._ " she said, her voice husky. He was growing hard under her. Before she could stop herself, she gasped, throwing her head in the sky. At that, he looked at her. Actually looked at her. _Her Julian._ The hand that was at his side went around her and landed on her lower back, pulling her toward him. She bit her lower lip and contemplated what was going to happen. _Oh hell with heaven. We can't stop now._ He put the cigarette to his mouth and took a smoke. He closed his eyes and blew the smoke in her face. He looked like he was drunk. Maybe he was? When he opened his eyes, they were unfocused.

Julian took a deep breath before speaking. He pointed at her accusingly with his cigar hand. "You," he stared at her with lust in his eyes. " _You_ , have broken," he tilted his to the side. "My heart." he finished.

Emma took an unnatural breath and put a palm on his chest. She left the other around his neck. "I know." she whispered.

It seemed that was all needed. He swung the hand carrying the cigarette around her neck and pulled her flush against him. Their lips crashed together and for a moment the sand beneath them disappeared and she was falling, falling to her death. At first, their kisses were slow and testing, searching each other's mouth. Then they became fast and urgent, her hands traveling up into his hair.

Julian was the first to tear away, his eyes searching her face. "I love you, so _much_ ," Julian said. If only she could say it back. He took away his arm from her neck and put the cigarette back in his mouth. Once he took it away, he didn't blow away the smoke, instead, he met her mouth with his, sharing the smoke between them. She kissed the breath out of him, out of both of them before Julian, again, pulled away. He moved the hand on her back and slid it under her shirt, touching the faint scars on her stomach. This time, he moved the cigar into Emma's mouth. She watched his face as she inhaled the smoke, trapping it until she opened his mouth against hers. They wound around each other, trying to get more. His mouth moved down from her lips, going down her jaw to her neck. Emma gripped hard into Julian's hair, trying not to show him how much he was effecting her. Finally a small shriek escaped Emma's mouth, filling Julian with satisfaction. He tore open her shirt, sliding his hands up until they slid up into her bra; on her breasts. She had to bite her lip to stop herself from crying out. He started kissing down her chest and all the way down to her belly button.

She knew she couldn't handle any more so Emma pulled away, grabbed Julian's cigar and took a final inhale. She put it against his mouth and he took his final inhale. She threw it in the ocean and looked at Julian. _We need to stop._ He crashed against her, sending her head back. Both hands were now under Emma's shirt grabbing at her stomach. He dropped his head, kissing the crook of her neck, going down to her collarbone. She gasped and arched herself higher, her hips meeting his. He made a noise deep in his throat and his fingers clawed at her waist. "Emma," he said with a deep, unnatural voice. Almost drunkenly, one of her hands went down into his pants and rubbed his hardness. He almost screamed in pleasure and desperation. She wanted to please him, please herself. She took her hand out only to put it in his boxers. She felt him, growing harder. She grabbed at him and started moving her hand back and forth. Julian's hand were clenching in the sand, his back arching to the sky. He was whispering something to the sky, something she couldn't hear. Her hand movements became faster and she knew he was about to come. Instead of slowing down, she decided to go faster. His whole body tensed before she felt something warm ejecting on to her hand. A high pitched moan came from his lips, while he raised up and took her hand out of his pants. He buried his head in her neck and wrapped his arms around her. She grabbed his drink bottle and smelt it. It was definitely tequila. There was only a quarter left in the black bottle. _He must be really drunk._

"Emma?" Julian asked. She turned her head towards him in response. "Do you-Are you and Mark actually together?" he asked, his eyes hopeful. _Don't do this to me, Jules._ She knew she didn't want to hurt him, she wanted to tell the truth.

"Yes, we are together." she said quietly. She lied. She heard Julian take an unnecessary breath before he pushed her roughly off his lap. He got up and stuffed the packet in his jacket and snatched the bottle from the sand.

"Why did you do it? Why did you lead me on?" he shouted at her. She looked at his feet, then up at the sky.

Emma whispered. "It was a mistake, I'm sorry-,"

"IT WAS A MISTAKE?! Are you serious, Emma?" he interrupted. His body was tense, stock still under the now appearing stars. "YOU WERE A MISTAKE! Being with you is a mistake."

"I'm sorry-," she started. She stood up, not taking her eyes away from his face.

"No, I'm sorry," Julian said. His eyes were starting to fill with unshed tears. She wanted to kiss them away, to not be the cause of Julian's weakness. "I'm sorry, Emma. I-I just can't do this anymore. I don't want love you anymore." He said, the tears now spilling out.

Her eyes widened, her hands clenching and releasing at her sides. _I didn't want this to happen._ She moved closer to him and grabbed his arm. He had started swaying, probably from the alcohol. "Do you want me to take you home?" she asked. Julian nodded, went and grabbed his belt and the underwear. He fixed his jeans, putting his belt back on and started moving to the main beach.

After a moment of fixing her shirt, Emma followed him. She had remembered what the Silent Brothers said the day before. _Remember to let the young Blackthorn rest and figure out his own demons._ With a sigh, she caught up to Julian.

"Jules- _Julian,_ why did you start smoking today?" Emma asked, trying to keep her voice neutral.

He looked sideways at her. "Because of you and your recklessness." he said. He was still swaying.

Finally, they reached the red Toyota. Before they got inside, Julian doubled over, and started vomiting on the sand. She quickly reached him and put a hand on his back.

"Oh, Jules. What have you done to yourself?" she said sadly. This was all her fault. Her strong _parabatai_ , wasn't strong anymore.

He tried to wave her off which only succeeded in Julian vomiting more. He finished and got up, wiping his face with his jacket. They both got inside the car and Emma found the full water bottle she brought. She grabbed a wipe, and wiped down her hand. She passed the water over to Julian and started the engine.

They rode back to the Institute in silence. It wasn't an awkward silence, instead, it was a thoughtful silence. She watched Julian from the corner of her eye, finishing her water bottle. He dropped it in the holder and threw his head.

By the time they arrived at the Institute, it was dark. Emma pulled up to the driveway and stopped the engine. She got out of the car and ran to Julian's side trying make him lean his weight on her. She closed and locked the door before dragging Julian inside.

The first thing Emma saw was: three sets of Blackthorn blue-green eyes, one grey, a set mismatched and two dark. _Oh God._ She smiled at them awkwardly, Julian raising his head to look at his siblings.

Livvy stepped forward. "What happened to him?" she asked. Her eyes were examining her big brother.

Emma swallowed. "Um, he's a bit drunk. He'll be better though!" she added as she saw everyone's eyes widen. "He'll be fine." She whispered, mostly to herself.

She eyed Cristina to help. She ran up to them and grabbed Julian by the other arm. Together they hauled Julian up the stairs all the way to his and dropped him on his bed. Cristina left to get food and water, realising he hadn't eaten in two days.

Emma tucked him in, putting some pillows under his back and head so he could sit upright. She went to the bathroom and brought back a dampened cloth. She carefully wiped Julian's face, cleaning away the vomit. He looked tired, his eyes blood red and his black shirt crinkled from the beach. There were smudges on his fingers from the cigarettes; Emma wiped at them as well.

"Once you finish dinner, go have a shower. You know because…" she trailed off, suddenly embarrassed. He looked at her with sad and lonely eyes.

Cristina came back in with a bowl of nacho soup and a glass of water. She set them down on his bedside table and straightened up.

"Emma, your bowl is downstairs. Come," Cristina said.

"Coming," Emma said, turning to Julian. "Goodnight, Jules." she said. His jaw set avoiding her gaze. She kissed his head before walking out with Cristina.

 _You can do this. Stay strong._


	3. Chapter 3

Blackstairs Fanfiction C3.

 _Sorry for not saying anything before but I hope you like my first fanfiction! I know its real bad but I like the drama, don't you? Thanks for the people wo reviewed and there will be more coming. - shazz_

…

Mark was sitting in the kitchen, watching Ty and Livvy chat anxiously about Julian. Mark and Cristina hadn't told the kids what had happened with Julian the other day, afraid that they would've scared them. Everyone had gone to the kitchen to eat, per Diego's orders. Both Diego and Cristina had made the nacho soup for tonight's dinner. Mark had watched them both, the whole time. He knew he shouldn't be jealous, but he was.

Cristina had taken soup up for Julian and had brought back Emma. Everyone had stood up when she came in.

"He's fine. He's just having his dinner and then going to sleep." Emma said, lowering her head.

Now, Emma sat away from him, alone. She was playing with her food, staring off at the table. Mark could tell that she was unhappy. She looked pale, her hair wild as if someone had desperately grabbed at her hair. She _was_ eating, Mark realised, but only a little bit.

"Emma, you okay?" Mark asked. She looked up at him, looking as if she had suddenly realised where she was, with who.

"What? Oh, yeah I'm fine." she said quickly. She started eating faster, half way done. Mark was happy she was finishing her food.

"Are you sure? You don't look fine." Mark said.

"Look, I'm fine, Okay? Just, leave me alone," she snapped back.

Mark looked at Emma in astonishment, rather than hurt. Everyone's heads turned to look at her. She finished her soup and let out a frustrated groan. She pushed her bowl away, mumbled a thanks and turned to leave.

Tavvy stopped her. He held on to her legs.

"I'm tired. Can you tuck me in?" he looked up at her.

Emma softened a bit, not able to refuse to the youngest Blackthorn. "Have you finished your food?" Emma asked. She looked like a mother then, like she was used to this.

"Yes, look," Tavvy let go and took his bowl. He showed it to her, proving that it was in fact, empty.

"Okay, go run and brush your teeth and I'll be there by the time you're in bed." Emma talked down. She ruffled Tavvy's hair and detached him from her. He flashed a tired smile before running through the hallway.

Emma left, leaving the kitchen door wide open. Ty had reached into his pocket and surfaced a smooth toy soldier. It was wooden and looked worn with time. He started playing with it absently, the way he did when he was upset or nervous.

Cristina came up beside Mark and placed a hand on his shoulder. Strange sparks went down his arm and to his heart. She ran her hand down his arm reassuringly and took his hand. Mark quickly looked at Diego who was across the room, but he was way too into his soup.

"Mark, are you okay?" Cristina whispered in his ears. Her other hand tightened on the marble surface. Her hair had fallen into her face; it made Mark grip his seat in order to not move it away. In the end, she moved it away herself.

"Me? I'm fine. I don't think Emma is, though. Something happened while her and Julian were away. Livvy had mentioned cigarettes, clove?" Mark responded, his lips lingering around her ear.

"I'll ask her tomorrow." she squeezed is shoulder and let out a lengthy sigh. Her eyes were shining like amber lights under the night sky.

The past week has been stressful for everyone in the Institute. Ty and Livvy together kept to themselves, staying with Kit sometimes. Dru stayed true to her crush and followed Diego around, getting help and tips from him. Mark didn't see Cristina much, she always in the training room with Emma. Tavvy had nightmares every night, resulting in Julian and Emma both going in. Every night Emma would run out with tears in her eyes, something that only Christina or Mark could see.

Mark didn't actually ask Emma why she wanted to 'lie' to Julian and the whole family, but he didn't push on. According to the time Cristina and Emma spend together, she knows about the situation.

Emma took a step outside and broke down. She crumbled down to the now wet stone in the garden and wrapped her arms around her knees.

 _Damn, I'm crying every day because of him._

Emma shook her head, trying to rid the thoughts clouding over her vision. The rain was hitting the stone around her, Emma acting as an umbrella for the stone beneath. She pushed her eyes into her knees trying to stop the streams running to her neck.

 _Why I am like this? Stop. I'm sorry Julian. Stop this. Now._

She lifted her head and took a shaking breath against the pouring rain. She opened her eyes and blinked a few times before registering where she was. The Institute garden. Even at night, Emma thought it looked magnificent. The waterproof runed fairy lights were slung around different trees, the waterfall at the end of the garden never ceasing its trickle, the carefully laid flowers brightening the garden making it look a night time show. Benches were smartly placed around the garden and the fountain in the middle brightening the night. Lights were set around the stone leading to the pool and tennis court. It looked all like a magic show.

 _Just like my life._

Emma sighed deeply, got up and walked up to the double doors remembering her promise to Tavvy. She swiped at her face roughly, trying to hide all her emotion from the world.

She went up the stairs and quickly threw her jumper into her room before running to Tavvy's room. Before going inside she heard the most familiar voice in her world.

"Goodnight Tavvy," Julian said, a silent kiss going through the room. "Go to sleep."

"I'm waiting for Emma to tuck me in." Tavvy's little voice said back.

"Oh, okay." Julian said closer to the door now.

Before Emma could run, Tavvy's voice came out. "Is Emma going to marry Mark?"

You could practically hear Julian freeze. "You've asked me this before. Go to sleep, Tavvy." he said the few words forcefully, through gritted teeth.

Emma only had enough time to run through one of the bedroom doors, before Julian walked out of the room with his fists clenching at his sides. He looked defeated, tired, sick and scared. _Scared Why?_

Before walking away he whispered, "Why does this keep happening to me?." At that, he walked away to his room.

Emma was still for a few moments before she remembered Tavvy. She walked up to his room and pushed the door open. She found him fast asleep in his bed. He looked like a tiny vulnerable ball waiting for the world's horrors to come down on him. She walked over to his side and sat down on the massive chair next to his bed.

"Baby boy, I'm sorry about everything," she stroked his brown hair while she talked. "I'm sorry about the bad you see. I'm sorry about being disappointed with Julian and I, we want to change but it's hard," she whispered in his ear. "I love you, Julian loves you and your family loves you. Remember that." She quickly kissed him on the head.

Emma walked out and down to her room. She got ready for sleep. But she also got ready for tonight. Tavvy would wake up from a nightmare, she and Julian would run to his room to calm him. Every time they would go in, Julian would run to Tavvy's side and glare at Emma until she would walk out, tears in her eyes. Not tonight though, she wouldn't let it happen.

Emma woke up with crying and screaming. She quickly looked at the time. _2:47_. Emma got out of bed and ran through the hallway to Tavvy's room. She saw Julian running from the other side of hall. She entered the room and ran to the bed.

"Tavvy, are you okay?" Emma said into Tavvy's hair. His cheeks were wet when Julian came rushing in. He ran to the other side of the bed and grabbed one of his hands.

"Tavvy, let's take you to the tent," he wrapped his arms around the small figure and took him to the tent on the floor. Julian placed Tavvy among the cushions and blankets, wrapping a blanket around his baby brother.

"Shh, go to sleep. I will sleep next to you." he looked at Emma when he told Tavvy, silently demanding her to leave. She shook her head and lay down on one side Tavvy, Julian the other.

When Emma looked at Tavvy, he was already asleep. She looked up at Julian who in turn, was looking at her. His angry face was still there but it was morphing into something else, regret.

"Every time he has a nightmare I make you run away. I was stupid. I'm sorry." Julian said.

Emma bent over Tavvy and kissed Julian on the cheek. When she pulled back, his eyes were wide but weren't filled with lust. "Goodnight, Jules." she whispered before settling back in the cushions and blankets.

"Goodnight, Em." he whispered back. He wrapped his arms around Tavvy before falling asleep.

Emma felt the blanket over her run away. Next, the cushions under her. Then, she felt a heavy weight on her.

"Get up, wake up, get up," Julian shouted, maintaining his weight. "Damn, that could be good lyrics. Emma get up!"

"Mmmm, go away Jules," she said in the ground. It had been like this for a week, her and Julian sleeping with Tavvy in his tent after he had his nightmare in the middle of the night. Ever since the first night, Julian was acting like her best friend again. Only she didn't like it. Sometimes during the day he would disappear and claim he went for a run or to the beach but the older ones knew that wasn't true. He'd come back with messy hair, crinkled clothes and swollen lips. Definitely not the beach.

Now, Emma felt hands sliding to her waist and instantly froze. She heard a chuckle from above before she was turned around until she was lying on her back. She opened her eyes and saw Julian, his brown hair sticking out everywhere. A loose shirt was stuck to his muscled arms with black and red flannel PJ pants that hung low on his hips. She looked away quickly, focusing on his wide smile instead. She could only imagine how many girls wanted him. She was one of them.

"Done checking me out?" Julian laughed when a blush plastered itself on Emma's cheeks. "Breakfast is downstairs, Cristina and Diego made breakfast," he whispered in her ear, his breath bouncing off her skin. Suddenly, it became hard for Emma to breathe with Julian so close. He moved his face until he was directly in front of Emma. He lowered himself, their lips barely brushing. She closed her eyes and waited for his soft lips. They never came.

"Wake up, Emma," he pulled back taking both of Emma's hands and lifting her up. He dragged her to the door. "You okay?" Julian asked seeing Emma's face. She felt warm all over, her eyes wide and her lower lip bitten. She swallowed visibly before pulling back.

"I'm fine," she moved next to the door, keeping distance between them. "What was all that for?" she asked, accusingly. It just made him smile more.

"Fun. It was just for fun." Julian laughed and opened the door.

"You are so annoying Julian," Emma said. Julian stopped and looked at her, his smile falling. He paled a bit, then went back to normal.

"I got a notice just before I'm going to check on it, you go downstairs by yourself. I'll be in five minutes." he announced before walking to his bedroom.

She walked over to the kitchen and sat nearest to Mark. She rested her chin in her hand while waiting for her breakfast. Tavvy was already down in the kitchen playing with Dru, Ty and Livvy were laughing at something on the phone, Diego was keeping to himself with his eyes following Cristina. Mark's eyes were following her too, though he was more aware of everyone around him.

"Cristina is there any food?" Emma asked, lifting her head. Cristina came over and placed French toast in front of her with a big smile.

"How are you? You look a little pale?" Cristina asked, sitting opposite Emma.

"Yeah, I just felt a bit dizzy on the way here, why?" Emma asked as she cut her breakfast. She hit Mark playfully in the arm when Julian came in, his red long-sleeve shirt sticking to his complex, his light grey sweatpants sitting low. Kissing the children on the head, he came and sat down next Emma and began eating his plate of toast. He reached past Emma to grab the syrup; Julian brushed past Emma's hand, sending wild fire up through her arm. On the other hand, Julian seemed unfazed. He returned back to his seat and continued eating.

"Good morning everyone. I've just been informed that there has been a demon raid at a nearby resort. The last I checked, four Raum demons went around attacking the resort stayers. We need to find out why and defeat them. Cristina, Diego, Emma and I will be going to check it out. No arguments, okay?" Julian explained looking at the other three for agreement.

Mark stood up, knocking his plate. "Wait why am I not coming? Have you humans forgotten that I am the oldest?" he asked.

"You just came back from Faerie," he warned, looking very fatherly in the moment.

"Yes and I am just as good as any of you. Did you forget?" Mark took a step towards Julian.

"You're not coming and that is final." Julian confirmed. Ty and Livvy both stood up but Julian was already turned to them. "Don't even try, look after each other okay?" he asked. They plopped back down, defeated and returned all their concentration to the phone.

"Once breakfast is done, the four of us will get ready and meet at the front. We need partners," he gestured to Cristina and Diego, "you two are partners and Emma and I are one." Julian rested his hand on her shoulder. Of course they would together, they're _parabatai_. That just makes it harder, Emma thought. Emma was still lost in thought when she realised Julian was still talking.

"… and Emma and I will be searching the rooms. This resort is all the way on the other side of the LA beach so we might be staying back for the night if something still needs to done." Julian finished, also finishing his breakfast.

As Julian got up and put his dishes in the sink, he whispered something to Diego and Cristina, then walked over to Emma. He bent his head and smiled something into her ear. Her eyes widened and breath became short with the sudden news.

Julian laughed into her hair and walked out of the kitchen. Emma finished her food quickly and left for her bedroom. The whole way there, she kept remembering his words.

"I lied. We are staying there tonight for investigation. Diego and Cristina are sharing a room and so are you and I. Grab stuff for the night."


	4. Note

**Sorry people I know I haven't uploaded in a while but I will hopefully upload the next chapter soon. The funny thing is that I actually have the chapter and the one after that done, I just don't have time changing it to what I like.**

 **Peace out- Samara**


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